of frustrations
many apologies to loads of people who have messaged me and i've not actually spoken to in reply - it isnt that i am ignoring you, just that i've had a lot of things to deal with recently that i feel rather overwhelmed.
i've been feeling more and more pressed for time - not in the everyday kind of way, but rather than there is a clock ticking the end of my university life, the end of certainty and the beginning of the great unknown. i didnt use to have the post-graduation jitters like some of my friends did/do because i guess i always knew that i would really enjoy working since i've gone through it and felt rather stimulated by working life. recently however, i've been feeling a sense of urgency to get THAT job and to cement my future. but it's so frustrating to think about how tough the competition is going to be and getting upset that i've had to strike many options off because i am not eligible to apply for their graduate schemes due to my nationality.
and on top of that, i've been auditioning for MTW stuff because i know i want to do at least one show before i graduate or else i'll always regret that i didnt even put my name down to AUDITION. my Copa one went pretty ok - the Chorus Line one i went for last year was really good in getting me used to auditioning and i think i did much better this time than the last (though it is hard to top how bad the last one was). and today i auditioned for the Wk 9 show even though i am not really sure i want it. i guess auditioning wont hurt since i have nothing to lose and stuff to gain (practice for job interviews perhaps?).
it's so easy to say "Leave it to God" but so hard to put into practice. i guess i'm just eager to find out God's plan for me so that i can relax - but then that isnt the point, is it. i know in my head that whatever happens will be good but i guess it is the control freak in me that wants everything to go according to my plan. when it should be His plan.
i wish i wasnt so... ME. and more Him.
i've been feeling more and more pressed for time - not in the everyday kind of way, but rather than there is a clock ticking the end of my university life, the end of certainty and the beginning of the great unknown. i didnt use to have the post-graduation jitters like some of my friends did/do because i guess i always knew that i would really enjoy working since i've gone through it and felt rather stimulated by working life. recently however, i've been feeling a sense of urgency to get THAT job and to cement my future. but it's so frustrating to think about how tough the competition is going to be and getting upset that i've had to strike many options off because i am not eligible to apply for their graduate schemes due to my nationality.
and on top of that, i've been auditioning for MTW stuff because i know i want to do at least one show before i graduate or else i'll always regret that i didnt even put my name down to AUDITION. my Copa one went pretty ok - the Chorus Line one i went for last year was really good in getting me used to auditioning and i think i did much better this time than the last (though it is hard to top how bad the last one was). and today i auditioned for the Wk 9 show even though i am not really sure i want it. i guess auditioning wont hurt since i have nothing to lose and stuff to gain (practice for job interviews perhaps?).
it's so easy to say "Leave it to God" but so hard to put into practice. i guess i'm just eager to find out God's plan for me so that i can relax - but then that isnt the point, is it. i know in my head that whatever happens will be good but i guess it is the control freak in me that wants everything to go according to my plan. when it should be His plan.
i wish i wasnt so... ME. and more Him.
posted by ade at
1:08 pm
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