Leaving it to Him

in cell today, someone said something that struck me - Be anxious for nothing for it is all in His hands.

Do not fret or have anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God'd peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

i have been worrying whether he is ok because he didnt reply some of my messages online over the last 2 days. i guess i feel guilty to some extent for breaking his heart and i'm worried he will sink into depression. as much as i have been praying for both of us to have peace and to grow in God's love for us, i think i havent quite let go completely to Him.

i have been pondering about what is love - i was sure i was in love but was i really? having some doubts about myself and my feelings and not sure i can trust myself again. when i next fall in love, or what i think is love, am i really in love? "what is love?" and the verse 1 John 4:10 keeps coming to mind -

This is love: not that we love God, but that He loved us and sent His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

does that apply to romantic love? that we love because someone loves us first? but then no one can love as perfectly as God. i think that looking to Him and basking in His love, we love each other out of the overflow of His love. and as much as i have so many questions that seem unanswerable now, i should just lay them all at His feet.

He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart. Ecclesiastes 5:20

sometimes i think we think too much and live in our minds a lot. so much that we allow ourselves to sink into depression (i am pretty guilty on this). it is good to think about things and sort out your thoughts but not to dwell in them and wallow in self-pity. i want to let Him fill me with gladness and let His joy be my strength to get from day to day.