pensive about being in limbo

it's started - the last week of university EVER. and it sucks. simply because it means saying goodbye to people. and knowing that i'll never see many of them again. yet i'm not going to say that i wish i could freeze this week forever because it is a terrible feeling to be neither student nor employed. in fact, i hate it.

i hate the packing - especially because i know that i am not packing for summer and actually have to get everything from the last 3 years into boxes to freight/take on the plane home. or to get rid of furniture/stationery/food stuff.

i hate the fact that i have to throw a lot of things away because sentiment = an insane amount of stuff that i'll have to get home.

i hate the fact that i cant decide if i should be feeling happy to go home because once i get back this whole unemployment thing will sink in. (and the fact that i really mean it when people ask me what are my plans after graduation and i say i dont know)

i hate that i cant even wish that i was staying at uni because most of my really good friends would have moved on and the reason to stay at uni would be lost after a week.

i hate that i cant say "see you soon" and mean it because i really dont know when i'll back in the UK.

this whole pensive thing started last night when Ian McD and i were talking and he said that he was really sad that i was leaving and that he wished i was around for another year of Tap. and how he didnt understand how i was still unemployed when i did so much for Tap and the show (and that if he could hire me he would).

then this afternoon i said goodbye to Phoebe (possibly for a long time) at the airport.

and there was that awful sinking feeling that this week is going to be even more emotional. i've avoided saying goodbye to people because in my mind i keep telling myself i still have one last week of term.

but that week has arrived. and i really should be making the most of it.