film is a REAL degree: June 2005

sometimes you find a song that you totally identify with

I'm Movin' On

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

I have so much to be thankful for...

i have been pretty down the first few days i got home but being patient and just giving up my cares to God has led to an amazing turn of events...

wednesday morning i received a call from my ex-supervisor (from Reed Exhibitions where i worked in Aug/Sept 2004)'s husband whom i worked with briefly in GlobalTRONICS asking me if i was free to work for him this summer! and he even upped his initial offer for the pay without batting an eyelash when i told him what Reed used to pay me... so i didnt even need to go out job-hunting and a job came to me! and the pay is gooooood... :)

met up with jieyang and had a good long chat and i feel like i have gotten a bit of closure in some things that have been troubling me and it feels like the hurt has begun to rapidly dissipate. it was such a relief to have his support (when over the last few days i felt like so much was against me) and to see his genuine wishes that i will have a happier future with someone else touched me and i have begun to see that both of us are healing so quick that it truly is the grace of God.

talking with my mom was painful but necessary and we seem to have clarified the misunderstandings and a part of the relationship has been restored though it isnt perfect and i dont think things will ever be the same as when i was a child and she and i shared so much with each other.

and of course chatting with josh and pouring out our hearts has done a great deal in calming my fears and as much as i was an emotional wreck after the day's rollercoaster, talking with him made me smile and gave me a sense of peace about everything. i see that he cares so much about me and he really is my grounding force. the conversation was overwhelming, but in a good way.

i see how even though something was lost, God's restoration is even better than the former. and i am going to continue in an attitude of expectance of even more fabulous things things to come...

Back in Singapore after a memorable first year

being back in Singapore has been a weird experience because it doesnt feel like i am home in the sense that there isnt the warmth of community that i get back in Warwick. in Warwick i have a closer knit community of friends and we are always doing fun things as groups or being all homey to make ourselves feel comfortable in the new environment. in the short span of 9 months, i have made friends with such an amazing group of people, some of whom will not be there when i return in september.

so thanks to jen and eliza who have been such great support to me in prayer and advice in my walk with Him and in life... thanks to wei and ana for amazingly fun times of just letting go and enjoying life... and thanks to yan for the few car rides! thanks to weiliang for being the funny guy to bully (and for being the first during orientation to make me feel less lost)... thanks to jierong for the chilled out conversations we used to have after church... thanks to mark alexander for all the laughs over lunch every sunday (esp when teamed up with josh to bully ben)... thanks to jean foo for the antics and the cheesy grins... thanks to deqi for being the senior that hung out with us lowly first years in the first term... thanks to edwin siow (and weiwen...) for the funny conversations and that wicked chicken rice... thanks to adeline koh and tricia for all the great times and the banter...

and thanks to anyone else i might have forgotten...

the day i returned my keys for Whitefields 17K, i bid a teary goodbye to the room in which i have had so many experiences... tears, laughs, pain, joy, all-nighters, sleepless nights from my drunk housemates coming home, memorable meals, just looking out of the window and watching the seasons pass... it really was my home for the past 9 months... it felt sad saying goodbye to the house knowing we were not going to ever come back and live in it again, that the people we said goodbye to on leaving the house would never be my housemates (all at once) again.

Warwick has been an amazing place and truly i have learnt so much and grown up in that place. perhaps i have become more liberated, more cynical, more emotional, more fun-loving, more of a person who likes solitude, who likes company, more of a watcher, more of a participant...

over the last year i have loved and lost, and loved again... an emotional rollercoaster... it has been an exhilerating yet exhausting year but i wouldnt trade it for anything.

i am physically back in Singapore but missing Warwick...

thanks ivy for getting me out of the house today... it feels nice to be welcomed back...

Dublin was COOOOOL! (i started this post on 12 June... YIKES)

before going to Dublin, many people i know had told me that there isnt much to see and do. but Dublin was FANTASTIC! the place has got loads to see in terms of history and culture and cute little eating places to explore...

(because this is a really LATE post, i have to add that i went to Dublin from 7 to 9 June)

landed in Dublin airport at 11am and took the bus to the city - had lunch at this place called Avoca Cafe, which is on the top floor of a 'lifestyle' shop selling clothes and food items and bits for around the house. had a super filling lunch of soup, balsamic vinegar chicken skwers with cous cous while my brother had a seafood platter. so we had to walk it off by going sightseeing! off to Trinity College to see the Book of Kells (the gospels written in Latin by early Christian monks) in the Old Library and the famous Long Room (it has 200,000 books from floor to ceiling and busts of famous philosophers lining the shelves) then to Grafton Street (pedestrianised shopping area) en route to St Stephen's Green. Stopped in a cafe for a HUGE iced mocha which made me even more bloated so after walking around St Stephen's Green we were too tired and went straight back to the hostel to sleep because we really couldnt eat any dinner...

After 12 hours of beauty sleep we were raring to go on the wednesday and walking down the Liffrey River we first visited Christchurch Cathedral then St Patrick's Cathedral then off to the Chester Beatty Library in the grounds of Dublin Castle. The Cathedrals were beautiful though there was a bit of an eerie feel when i went down to the crypt. My brother says that there wasnt that much to see so he feels we got ripped off by the houses of God as we had to pay entrance whereas for the museums they were free. The Chester Beatty Library is definitely worth the visit - it is the private collection of Chester Beatty of things like books, paintings, scrolls and pottery and all sorts of stuff he collected in his life from the Far East, Middle East and Europe. The National Museum of History and Archaeology was good too for their wide range of displays... from Early Ireland from cave men and the discovery of gold buried in bogs by early Irishmen/Vikings to the Easter Uprising at the General Post Office in 1916 and the fight for independence. Next door was the National Library and while we couldnt go in since we didnt have library cards, we browsed through a free exhibition on James Joyce and Ulysses - like all about the novel including characters and plotlines, and his writing process (very impressive because of the interactive elements like touch screen computers). My brother got very enthusiastic about reading Joyce but then i told him it wouldnt last considering i never finished reading Portrait Of the Artist As A Young Man even though it was a text for Modes of Reading.

The great thing about Ireland is the ban on smoking in pubs. Went to The Temple Bar in Temple Bar area for live music and a sip of Guiness (my brother had a pint that i took some of). Live folk music that was FREE, mind you. And good too... :)

The last day was spent at the Guiness Museum (pricey but a must visit) where we learnt about the history of Guiness and the making of it. A great part of the museum is the exhibition on advertising through the ages and they have some computer stations where you can watch all the commercials they had from the different parts of the world through the years (from the 1920s till the present). Plus we got a free pint (i took a half pint) at the modernist bar on the top floor where we had a panorama view of the city. It was a nice way to end my visit to the city... I think that if we had more time we might have had the chance to visit the Writers' Museum and the Film Archive but the 3 days were really enjoyable.

Overall Rating of Dublin? 4 stars? and the flight there was only 1p! and 1p back to the UK! hahaha... (not including tax though, but i think return ended up being 25 pounds)