this whole summer has been so surreal...

antonia flew off yesterday evening for milan... so that makes it 2 trips to the airport in 3 days to say goodbye to dear friends... such a sad thought...

my consolation is meeting her in milan in nov during my reading week. hopefully by then her italian will be perfecto and we can gorge ourselves with yummy fooooood. :)

us when we went ice-skating... ant was trying to teach me crossovers but ha ha ha...

we were sun-tanning at her place on sunday... the second picture is nicer but we're too small!

and as a result of wearing a halter bikini top, I HAVE AN AWFUL TAN-LINE! MoOOooOOoON! we go sentosa and tan it off, ok? hehe...

an end to 8 1/2 weeks

today my boss left for malaysia and wont be back till saturday. by which i will no longer be working here.

as he left the office he gave me a hug and a present and i felt sad to be leaving this place...

here's to the nicest boss EVER... and the coolest bunch of collegues i've had. it has made the past 8 1/2 weeks so much fun...

THANK YOU...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKSSS!

today i went in to the office early to let in this 30-something-year-old sort of geeky accountant that was helping us double-check the books.

after he left i received an sms:

Thanks for coming early for me. Anyway you look pretty today. Have a nice week ahead.

EeeeEEEEEeeEeEEeeeEEeeEEee...

I HAVE GOOSEBUMPS!

what about me being a choreographer...?

last night i put my new Diana Krall CD into my Discman and laid in bed tryin to fall asleep but the music just inspired me to think of all these dance concepts...

so what'cha think of me being a choreographer? it'll be such a cool job to have... seeing a project from the very beginning till the finished production?

on the other hand i'd LOVE to be a dance photographer... capturing the fluidity of dance in one shot that sums it all up... such a paradox and such a challenge!

and then i'd get to meet ANGEL CORELLA! *swoon* remember me in sec 3? i was smitten by his ANAZING dancing in Le Corsaire on TV... and when he came to Singapore and danced Don Quixote? OoOoOoO...

a picture of this ballet darling for your viewing pleasure... can you believe he is 30?!?

apparently the Royal Opera House has this week-long workshop every year in march for youths interested in production work/arts management. I HAVE TO GO FOR THAT! remind me remind me remind me...

musings...

meeting up with wei and everyone last night made me think about the past year... strange how a year has gone by, friends made are going to be scattered around the world.... a year has gone by and only 2 more to go. yet with every year, another group of friends disappear from campus. can you imagine your close friends all around the world? and you know somehow that things will never be the way they used to...

the future seems so daunting but i will embrace it... because it doesnt help to always be looking back and living in the past...

today someone special sent me flowers

i did some floral arrangements at work, trimming stems because they were too tall for any container i could find to act as a vase...

and me playing with the bow and wrapper (the quality of the pictures aint so good cos i only had my webcam in my laptop bag)... this is what happens when you boss decides to take the afternoon off and you are left alone in the office...

thanks josh for the flowers! they are lovely. and thanks jean for delivering them! :)

UK, US and NZ come together for Lunch

Getting There - another Sylvia Plath poem

How far is it?
How far is it now?
The gigantic gorilla interior
Of the wheels move, they appall me ---
The terrible brains
Of Krupp, black muzzles
Revolving, the sound
Punching out Absence! Like cannon.
It is Russia I have to get across, it is some was or other.
I am dragging my body
Quietly through the straw of the boxcars.
Now is the time for bribery.
What do wheels eat, these wheels
Fixed to their arcs like gods,
The silver leash of the will ----
Inexorable. And their pride!
All the gods know destinations.
I am a letter in this slot!
I fly to a name, two eyes.
Will there be fire, will there be bread?
Here there is such mud.
It is a trainstop, the nurses
Undergoing the faucet water, its veils, veils in a nunnery,
Touching their wounded,
The men the blood still pumps forward,
Legs, arms piled outside
The tent of unending cries ----
A hospital of dolls.
And the men, what is left of the men
Pumped ahead by these pistons, this blood
Into the next mile,
The next hour ----
Dynasty of broken arrows!

How far is it?
There is mud on my feet,
Thick, red and slipping.
It is Adam's side,
This earth I rise from, and I in agony.
I cannot undo myself, and the train is steaming.
Steaming and breathing, its teeth
Ready to roll, like a devil's.
There is a minute at the end of it
A minute, a dewdrop.
How far is it?
It is so small
The place I am getting to, why are there these obstacles ----
The body of this woman,
Charred skirts and deathmask
Mourned by religious figures, by garlanded children.
And now detonations ----
Thunder and guns.
The fire's between us.
Is there no place
Turning and turning in the middle air,
Untouchable and untouchable.
The train is dragging itself, it is screaming ----
An animal
Insane for the destination,
The bloodspot,
The face at the end of the flare.
I shall bury the wounded like pupas,
I shall count and bury the dead.
Let their souls writhe in like dew,
Incense in my track.
The carriages rock, they are cradles.
And I, stepping from this skin
Of old bandages, boredoms, old faces

Step up to you from the black car of Lethe,
Pure as a baby.

follow my train of thought

have you tried saying the word 'tired' 5 times out loud?

tired
tired
tired
tired
tired

ah a sense of fatigue overwhelms you

now try 'indifferent', with emphasis on different syllables

INdifferent
inDIFferent
indifFErent
indiffeRENT

strangely enough, the word sounds hollow, just as 'indifferent' feels

is it possible to feel tired and indifferent yet feel so hurt and upset?

does it make you schizophrenic?
Or psycho...

OOooOOoO MURDER

Death is interesting

If you are suicidal, does bungee jumping help cure your curiosity of the thrill of death?

I am not afraid of dying
In fact death is somewhat comforting
Leaving this world for something greater, something beyond
Death seems to be like a mother welcoming her lost child, tired and exhausted from a world of strangers, home

would you like to live in a totally honest world
or a world with subtle complexities?

i am tired
let me cross over the river Lethe

The Arrival of the Bee Box - Sylvia Plath

I ordered this, clean wood box
Square as a chair and almost too heavy to lift.
I would say it was the coffin of a midget
Or a square baby
Were there not such a din in it.

The box is locked, it is dangerous.
I have to live with it overnight
And I can't keep away from it.
There are no windows, so I can't see what is in there.
There is only a little grid, no exit.

I put my eye to the grid.
It is dark, dark,
With the swarmy feeling of African hands
Minute and shrunk for export,
Black on black, angrily clambering.

How can I let them out?
It is the noise that appalls me most of all,
The unintelligible syllables.
It is like a Roman mob,
Small, taken one by one, but my god, together!

I lay my ear to furious Latin.
I am not a Caesar.
I have simply ordered a box of maniacs.
They can be sent back.
They can die, I need feed them nothing, I am the owner.

I wonder how hungry they are.
I wonder if they would forget me
If I just undid the locks and stood back and turned into a tree.
There is the laburnum, its blond colonnades,
And the petticoats of the cherry.

They might ignore me immediately
In my moon suit and funeral veil.
I am no source of honey
So why should they turn on me?
Tomorrow I will be sweet God, I will set them free.

The box is only temporary.

hearty laughter
big grins and toothy smiles

embracing the past
anticipating the future

awkward glances
unsettling tension

i float around like a wandering cloud

uncertainty
unspoken understandings

or questions?

who are you
who are you

more importantly, who are they?

and the most hurting thing to ask
who are you to them?

a cloud
an acquaintance

a friend?

I watched a teen flick this evening

Drive Me Crazy with Melissa Jone Hart... I actually enjoyed watching the movie (just like I can watch 10 Things I Hate About You a million times and still laugh) and I realised the following about teen flicks...

1) teen flicks are predictable - you know it will all end at the Big Dance or somewhere near that, and that makes the movie rather brainless and pure entertainment
2) the geeks always get their justice (other than the fact that most scriptwriters were geeks in high school) - it gives me a sense that someday me, a social mis-fit, will get the last laugh
3) you laugh at their cheesiness
4) there are some really funny punchlines in them
5) you watch the couple fall in love... (all together now... AAAWWWW...)

In fact, these films have ALL the elements of utopia (as brought up by Richard Dyer) and thus that's why we love them so so much (even though the snobs in us will dismiss it as trash)...

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Oh, There's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Every blessing You pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to stay
Well Blessed be Your name


It's so easy to not look to Him when things go wrong... and sometimes I lose sight of Him. Perhaps He is teaching me patience, teaching me to look away from efforts and to look to Him.

It's so hard sometimes...

Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and the Master you are serving is Christ. - Colossians 3:23-24

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care? Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer. Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.


Was running some errands this afternoon for work and at the train station this song came into my head and i was getting teary-eyed. I remember going to my dad's godmother's funeral in JC and someone saying in his eulogy that it was her favourite song. she was a woman who never minced her words and seemed so strong. I guess all of us, despite what we show on the outside are all susceptable to feeling weak and vulnerable and angry and frustrated. For a moment it felt like a Hand was scooping down to rest on my shoulder and say 'it's ok.... I see it...I'll take away the pain..."

Got back to the office feeling better and got a pleasant surprise. Tracey came by to pass some of the chalet stuff and she gave me $20 and told me that Leonard will give me the remaining $8. Apparently they REALLY were counting money that Saturday when we played mahjong...

worn out from caring
worn out from being one of few who cares

do you not see how crazy this is?

i have decided

you will not take my joy
you will not take my peace

i will do it
but i do not do it for you

i do it for the people that it will benefit
why should they get this nonsense they dont deserve?

from now on i will retreat

dont step on my toes

you can at least do that

thank you

a BIG thank you to Josh who has spent many days and nights helping me with the Singsoc 'Survival Guide'.

*huge enormous hug*

thank you for keeping me sane. :)

mahjong for idiots

My company had a chalet on friday for one of the guys who is going to the army for NS at the end of the month so we had a HUGE BBQ with loads of yummy food. And since i work in a male environment, naturally i needed to bring some female reinforcements. This is where ANTONIA came in! :)

My wonderful Kiwi friend (she isnt a true Singaporean because she doesnt eat otah... haha...) was such a good-sport cos she came to the chalet knowing only me.


Anyway, we played 2 person Bridge and ate LOADS of food... and then we settled down for a mahjong teaching session.

Terence and Leonard were teaching me how to play mahjong, with the help of Kaijian being the one that translated the explanations into mathematical jargon for the benefit of my understanding. Ant already knew how to play so she was helping me...

But of course one nught was not enough so last night i went back again because the mahjong queen was back in town! Tracey was a FANTASTIC coach (she's is my ex-boss and my current boss' wife) and she amazingly managed to help me play, watch TV and cast snide remarks at the other players. When i left 90mins later, i had 'won' $28.

Yes indeed we need more of these office 'bonding' sessions. I LOVE MY JOB!

recipe for brownies

this is especially for xiaowen...

Fudge Brownies

1/4 cup of butter
6 ounces (or 170g) of semisweet chocolate
3/4 cup sugar
2/3 all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla
1/4 teaspoon of baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1/2 cup of nuts (optional)
1/2 cup of chocolate chips (optional)

Melt the butter and chocolate over a LOW fire. keep stirring so that it doesnt burn. when all has melted, take it off the stove and let it cool for a bit.

Add everything else, except the nuts and chocolate chips and give it a good stir/mix.

Add the nuts and chocolate chips last.

Pour into a baking tray and put it in the oven at 180 degrees celsius for abt 20mins. If need be, keep it in the oven for longer (my philosophy is better to have it in for less and test rather than burning it cos if it is undercooked, it can be 'fixed')

Basically poke a satay stick in and if it comes out clean (i.e. no fudge or wet mixture comes out with the stick, it is done)

More FFFOOOOOOODDD

so this is what i did on National Day - i tried out a recipe for Sticky Barbequed Ribs from my new favourite food show, "Party Dish" with Trish Magwood, showing on Arts Central every friday at 9pm.

we ran out of foil so we couldnt follow the recipe exactly. in the show Trish wrapped the ribs in foil after marinating them and put it in the oven for 4 hrs so that the moisture will be trapped in and the meat be so tender it falls off the bone. then she put the racks of ribs on the grill and glazed it to finish it off.

we on the other hand just roasted the ribs in the oven for 2 hrs and basted the marinade and allowed it to glaze in the oven. while it doesnt turn out as tender, the sauce/glaze was YUMMY! it was basically BBQ sauce, soy sauce, sugar, onion powder (we used pounded onions), grated garlic (we used pounded garlic), salt, pepper and veg oil.


we also had grilled chicken wings marinated with soy sauce, honey, five spice powder, salt, pepper and sugar.

tomorrow my office is having a chalet as one of the guys is FINALLY going to the army for NS so i baked brownies to bring there. took a picture because i dont expect i will be able to get a nice one of the complete tray tomorrow as i work in a male environment. and guys eat a lot. :(

Domestication Day

Ivy and i made a spontaneous decision to bake today and in keeping with the spontaneous mood, we had a sleepover last night! :) It was so much fun having someone over to scrutinize pictures of pretty girls on the "America's Next Top Model" website and in my old copies of InStyle. And we have decided we should do this again! hehehe...

Anyway, today was "Let's improve Ivy's Culinary Skills". We made Banana Bread, Quiche and Snowskin Mooncake. My recipe for Banana Bread has been my trusty one for years so while it takes quite a lot of time to sieve all the flour, it turned out yummy as always...

Our FFAAAAABBBBBUUUULLLOOOOUUUUSSS Banana Bread

In between we decided to make the snowskin dough so that we could let it stand while we made lunch and quiche. Forgot to take a picture of our delicious and hearty lunch of bee tai mak (rice-flour noodles) in soup with tofu, beef balls, chicken strips and cabbage.

After all the effort that we went into to make PERFECT looking mooncakes, we finally managed to get 4 of the best together for a picture...

Our PPPPRRREEEEETTTTTYYY Snowskin Mooncakes

Finally our quiche, which turned out to be the highlight of the day. Following the recipe i got on www.epicurious.com for the crust, we were a bit unsure as it turned out very wet when we were expecting it to be dough like. So for the first quiche we made we decided maybe we should add more flour to get a better consistency. But after baking the first crust, it didnt look that right either as it cracked. Then decided to follow the recipe to the T and line the sides of the tin thicker than the bottom the second crust came out slightly better. Fried the onions, sauteed the onions, seared the bacon and grilled the capsicums. Poured the milk and egg misture, mixed in the cheese and after baking for 30mins, VOILA!

Ivy's bacon, mushroom and onion quiche with capsicums on ONE side (in a nice, fan shape) - she doesnt like capsicums so she put it on one side for her mom

MY quiche LOADED with capsicums, bacon, mushrooms and onions

Us really tired after everything...

The bottom of our quiches were a bit soggy. Wondering how to avoid that in the future other than maybe make the bottom of the even thinner. Maybe lining the bottom with cheese before putting the other ingredients in might help stop the juices from seeping through? Anyone knows?

workworkwork

met Hsien and Wei at the Singapore production of "Pagoda Street" yesterday and talking to them about how my life has been so far made me think about the last 4 and a half weeks that i have been working.

it feels good to earn money no doubt. especially when you get your pay-cheque (which you write for yourself and as your boss signs it he says, "aiya why you write your own cheque so late?" and you protest that you shouldnt be writing your own pay-cheque) and the amount that you receive covers your return airfare to UK in Sept and back to Singapore in Dec.

but sometimes i wonder about all the other fun stuff i could have been doing instead of working. like taking up more dance classes, learning driving (when i pass my basic theory on monday), going on holiday, going out to have fun with friends. why am i being all 'sensible' when i should be enjoying my holidays?

after a while i realised why i am working now. because...

a) i like to work - which to some people is as strange as me saying i like to study
b) i dont feel like i wasted my time
c) i feel a sense of independence being able to have enough money to spend and not having taken any pocket money from my parents since i finished A Levels
d) i have loads of work experience which means when i start work proper, i can move up faster.
e) working in this small company has been amazingly fun because of the great people and all the experience i have gained. it's cool when your boss starts asking for your opinion on strategies to "kill" their competitors!

and while i havent been able to 'play' as much as others have, and the occasional pangs of envy hit home, i have everything to be thankful for as well. no use complaining and whining because i have been really blessed as it is. :)

SALES are SO SO GOOOOOD

hahaha... i know the Great Singapore Sale is over but dont you just love end of season sales? esp when you are a visitor to a country - you can buy and bring it back to your usual country of residence and you wont have to worry abt people wearing identical clothes when you go out...

over the last week, i have gone a bit crazy with these end of season sales. first it was Fox with the 2 fabulous pairs of jeans that were SO WORTH IT. then on sunday when another of my parents' church friends told me i put on weight, i went on an impulsive buy after walking past Samuel & Kevin and bought a $6 top. today it was U2 and the $39 (usual price : $79) coat/jacket that was good for summer (i have been looking for a summer coat for some time already). at the counter the sales lady told the woman in front of me that if you buy 3 items and more you get an additional 10% discount. so of course i went to get more clothes... 2 tops, each origianl price $29, with 40% discount on both... add the 10% discount and i ended up paying slightly less than $67 for all 3 items!

stores are smart to put the "buy 3 or more items and get XX% discount on top of all the fabulous discounts already". suckers like me just buy more... especially when you shop alone. the Fox spree was planned because Moon saw the sign a few days before but today's was a retailer's ploy gone right. haha... i am a vital to the pumping in of money into the economy!

allergies to dogs

for the past few weeks i have been getting rather sneezey and so i put it down to the pollutants in urban Singapore (because i hardly get sick in the UK - it's the country air i tell you...). and i used to get red eyes from the dust that gets into my eyes as well as not washing my hands after playing with my dog and unsuspectingly rubbing my eyes when they are dry... for all of you that have had contact with my dog, as cute as he is, he kind of is a dirt magnet... blame it on the fact that he likes to rub himself on the rough porch floor when he needs a good scratch and when he feels the urge to exercise his gardening skills. my mom says he is like Pig Pen (think the character from the Peanuts comic strip).

well on sunday i visited caleb because he was throwing a birthday party and he has 2 dogs... i have to establish that they are very clean dogs. but after playing with them for a while, i got irritated eyes and started getting sniffly again...

so i have concluded that i am allergic to dogs.

for now i am keeping away from my dog... strict discipline of washing my hands after playing with my dog...

i used to have allergies when i was a child and i guess it is coming back again for a season. and perhaps because i havent been playing with dogs in 6 months...

any other explanations everyone?